So today is one of those gloomy rainy typically British days, and I'm in bed writing this thinking about how there is just never enough hours in the day to get everything done. In my head I would ideally manage to work in shooting for my blog, for my depop, managing social media (mainly Instagram), and work on my photography all in the two days off I get from work. Now that's a stretch at most times, and sometimes life gets in the way and it's not possible.
I am the type of person who always has too be busy, I struggle to sit still unless I've planned for it. That sounds ridiculous I know, but I spent way too many days and hours wallowing in depression that now I daren't miss a minute. When I look back on how I used to spend my day too day life it makes me so sad, I just let the worst get the better of me. Now that I am in a much better head space, I don't even let my mind get the chance to go down that road. I think in a sense that's why I feel the need to always be busy, too keep my mind preoccupied. There are good and bad sides to this mentality though, but more so I think it's the pressure that I have put on myself too always be on top form. When I realised today that I had no content prepared for my blog I actually felt bad, like guilt. But at the end of the day, it really shouldn't effect me to that level. This blog was created as a way for me to express myself, share my positivity with others and try to inspire - so how has it got to the point where I feel guilt? That is the opposite of what I am trying to put out into the world.
We live in a society now where everything is so focused on social success. We are all too blame, we are all a part of that Instagram reality where nothing is really real. II tried too touch on this the other day, where on my Instagram I posted this:
I know I am only touching the surface with this, and I know for others it is a lot harder to break down the false reality but I think this is a good place too start. Yes, I know I'll still post those perfectly posed images, and yes it makes me a hypocrite but at least I am being honest with myself with the falseness of it all. For me, I enjoy it - I love having my photo taken, the empowerment I feel and the rush of confidence, however I also see the dangers in it. The dangers of self validation, of countlessly watching the figures and likes, of constantly comparing yourself too others. I am lucky enough to not care much about those things, but I am also not ignorant to how damaging those factors are too others. It's sad how we have got to this point, where so much of our reality relies on online validation.
Earlier on today I was racking my brains with what I could post, a music favourites? Sharing my images from Newcastle? I was trying to force something into a post for the sake of it. How false? What is the point! The fact that I felt like I had to do that made me take a step back and really question the way we approach this online world. You should post what you want, you shouldn't feel the need to post something else to appear perfect and prepared and like everything in your life is too plan. No one's life is too plan, nothing is as it seems and sometimes we just don't have time. I could've sacrificed time with my parents yesterday, and time with my nephew last night and this morning to get some "quality" content too share. But what QUALITY is that? No one should sacrifice precious time in real life for the sake of how they appear online. What I need to be doing, is incorporating both, I think my blog and my content could really do with some reality. I think that is what I am craving most, too see something real.
I know today's post has less "appeal" than most, it doesn't have glossy edited images, and a focus on what you are used too reading. But I don't care about that. I care more about trying to change the way we view our lives online into a much more real reality. I want to try and share and capture more truth, now don't get me wrong fashion blogging I will always adore and they will always be a feature on here, I just want to bring in a bit more realness. More fun, laughter, candid's and family, more about just life. I think I am just growing tired of trying of us all thinking that what each other wants too see is fake reality, when I think at the end of the day we are all craving something real.
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