Music Discoveries of 2019 (so far)

Hello Sunshines,

Somehow we have managed to make our way too March, I think I sneezed February away... As much as the past few month have flown by I did realise the other day that I have stumbled across a fair few lovely new music discoveries. From new releases, up and coming artists and simply just artists that I have no had the pleasure of listening too ( till now of course). It has been a long long time since I have written a music based post, and they are probably one of my favourite things to write, mainly because I get embarrassingly excited about music. SO without further ramblings, let's get into the first artist.

Someone who (too me at least) is having a crazy start to this year is Loyle Carner, kicking it off with releasing Ottolenghi which turned into one of my all time favourite tracks, he has just kept killing it. His latest with Jorja Smith (who I will also be talking about later on) called Loose Ends has become an instant hit in my eyes. I love the way their voices and style blend together, and how his music is very soulful and full of feeling. (which is something I always look out for) His tracks always have such a good consistent tone, the kind of music you can listen too no matter what your mood is. Another killer track that he has released recently is You Don't Know, which I would 100% recommend listening too as well. He is representing UK Rap culture in a way that isn't just grime, and I love and respect him for that. His music is very humble, true and simple which makes a change from the usual aggy sound of grime. Too me that is super refreshing, and I want too hear more of it.

As I mentioned above Jorja Smith is another artist which I can't seem to stop listening too, and let's not forget she is having one hell of a 2019 so far by winning best solo female artist at the Brits. On the topic, if you haven't watched her performance, open a tab and watch it now - her voice is just incredible. Her album has been out since last year, but I have recently rediscovered my love for her, and especially for the track The One, I probably listen too it at least once a day. I love the way it's produced, from the vinyl scratch that you can here in the background, too the way it breaks down into the chorus. It's so soulful, I can't help but have a little dance too it. The way she puts a modern touch on soul in such an effortless way speaks volumes, and I am just glad she is finally getting the recognition she deserves. A couple of other tracks that I would 100% recommend if you haven't heard them before would be Lost & Found  and February 3rd (although the album as a whole is a masterpiece)

On the topic of Soul, one of the modern day masters would have to be the incredible RY X, his music is like a combination of Sampha, James Blake and Ben Howard (all three are artists I adore). With the release of his new album Unfurl the song YaYaYa popped in my discover weekly, and I was hooked from the first listen. A voice full of passion and emotion, but he is also adding a more modern twist on soul music. The whole album is something you can melt away too, but some of the stand out tracks would have too be YaYaYa (as previously mentioned - clearly spotify know my tastes well), Untold and Foreign Tides. I guarantee you have probably heard his track Berlin at least once, with over 87 million listens on spotify - it really kick-started his success.

While talking about new releases there is no way that I could not mention the fact that Florence & The Machine released two new incredible tracks, Moderation and Haunted House. Two entirely different songs, but equally brilliant in their own unique way. The release come as quite a surprise as she is known to have quite a break between albums, and with High as Hope only coming out last year this came as quite a surprise, a good one though. Moderation is the main release, and is a powerful, soulful song full of impact, passion and feeling. Her way of storytelling through her lyrics is something I will always admire, and I always feel like I relate too it on a very personal level. Everyone who knows me IRL knows of my obsession with her, I mean the first tattoo I ever got was an abstract portrait of her on my arm. I think that everyone has their ARTIST, and she is mine. The B side Haunted House I actually prefer, it's super short but for some reason my soul connects with it a lot more. That may sound like absolute rubbish to some of you, but too me it makes perfect sense. It's a much slower song, and when she sings "I'm not free at all", I feel that deep deep down in my soul. Both songs are about topics which I very much relate too, and I think that's where the basis of a lot of my love for her comes from.

One more artist I want too mention that sort of falls into this category, but also fits into the next one is James Blake, I mentioned him above when talking about RY X and similarly he also dropped his new album Assume form. Multi-talented he is a producer / singer and songwriter, and collaborates with many artists,  my favourite on the new album (and the first song I heard from it) is Mile High ft. Travis Scott this song has blown up and has become his most streamed song, and for good reason. It is an insanely well produced piece of music combining both their vocals with a very sensual undertone, I mean it is a very sexy song. Another few tracks that are well worth a listen are Barefoot in the Park and Tell Them - I wouldn't even know how to begin to describe this song. It perfectly demonstrates the extent of his talent, and the various moods and genres that he works within. His work, especially work that he releases himself (that isn't him producing for other artists) is really genreless, or more so he works within all different genres, but he always keeps that electronic tone within the music. Which is the perfect segway into the next topic.

If you know me, you will know that I like to consider myself queen of the chill tracks. I love it, with all my heart. Mostly within the dance genre because it is so atmospheric, and I find it the most relaxing and calming deep down too my soul. Some stand out tracks this month would have too be Four Tet - Daughter, an absolute classic in the electronic world - if you haven't listened too it I highly recommend, however I understand that the experimental style is not for everyone. Another track, which was actually the first one I added too my 2019 playlist is Disclosure - Where Angels Fear to Tread I love the vocals, and how they sound so old and retro, and the beat is just very bouncy and uplifting, nothing heavy,  almost dreamlike. Almost reminds me of something you could pull out of a Disney film! On the more liquid drum & bass note, I have been utterly obsessed with the track Nymfo - Something Tells Me, I stumbled across it on one of my discover weekly playlists (which, everyone should listen too - I have found some of my now favourites from that playlist), and I have been hooked on it ever since.

Below I have embedded my 2019 spotify playist, so if you feel any what intrigued by my recommendations, or are just intrigued by what I like too listen to on the daily, give it a little listen:

Guess who's back, with a brand new flat?!

Hello my fellow sunshines, it's been a long time. 

Last time I posted I was talking about the festive period and how it's the most wonderful time of the year, little did I know back then it would also turn into the most stressful time of my life since my dissertation. I was hunting for a flat sure, but didn't really think I would be sorted till the New Year. OH, how I was wrong. The whole process actually moves very quick once you've found somewhere you love, and the whirlwind of moving began. 

Obviously however, with it being me the moving in process was far from simple. I have had the most stressful two weeks of my life, when they said "don't grown up, it's a trap!" they really bloody meant it. I feel like I have a tsunami of adulthood just placed over my head. So, the first problem: because I moved into a flat that was above a shop, somehow when the suppliers where changed the electricity was still registered as commercial and not residential. It took me at least a month of going forwards and backwards, being told different things from different people and not knowing what on earth was going on. I have never spent so much time on the phone repeating myself, it's got to be one of the most patience testing experiences you will every have to go through. 

Secondly, on Christmas eve ( of all days) I was supposed to be getting my sky fitted, a phone line putting in so that I can use the internet. WELL. The guy showed up, very dismissive said he didn't have the right equipment for the pole to put up the line, and that he needed access to the back (which I didn't have at the time) too put it up. So that was that, he left - may I add at 8AM! At this point I hadn't properly moved in, so I had come all the way from home (20 miles) with my mum and dad just for him too say he. can't. do. it. The best part is, when I rescheduled for them to do it a few weeks later the man that came said that it was all a load of bollocks! He didn't need access to the back, and that he was lying about equipment to get out of the job. He had also put down in the notes that he did all the interior work, so that he got paid - which was all lies! He didn't even come into the property. Safe too say though that whoever he was will not be getting paid for the job, and he would be lucky if he still has one. 

Third and finally, my boiler was all over the place, the gauge was going up and down on it's own and I had to keep refilling it up, and for fear of a gas leak my landlady made me move out till it was fixed. Oh and top that off the same night she told me that I had gone to cook for the first time, and everytime I tried to turn the hob on, it would blow the electrics. Just picture we stood there trying to cook me tea, freezing cold because I was too scared to put the heating on and then the electrics blowing out. ONLY ME! At the time I was honestly mid breakdown fighting back the tears, looking back now I have to laugh but my god I do not know how I got through it all. 

SO, as a little disclaimer that is why my blog has been so neglected. I had every intention too start off 2019 with regular content, but life is life! You can't help it, shit happens. But, on the plus side I do have my own little place now! My cute colourful home is my everything, and at the end of the day it all worked out perfectly. There are always a few bumps in the road, but for me the feel like bloody mountains. Never the less I am so proud of how I've handled everything, and the first real test of adulthood - I never knew I could be so mature! But watch this space now for content is coming, I've just had a little life break. 

XO,XO, EMMA. 

The most wonderful time of the year

With Halloween and bonfire night just going by meaning we are creeping closer and closer to Christmas, I thought I'd talk about why this time of year really is the most wonderful time of the year. Ever since I was little I always believed in magic, when I was younger it was more in the mystical sense. Now that I'm older I believe in the magic of love and togetherness, that warming feeling deep in your soul. When you get older the holiday season has a very different effect, it's less about the treats and presents and more about seeing people come together as families or friends to celebrate. You can see it everywhere, the look of joy and happiness on people's faces that is so pure and full of magic. 

Any chance I get to complete emeerse myself into celebrating and being a part of something where everyone is equal, I will jump in with two feet straight away and near enough drown in it. For the whole month of October it was spooktober for me. I'd watch something horror or Halloween related most nights, i got dressed up for work - twice! & went out with my girls all dressed up too. Something that I will never forget about Halloween (and all the holiday seasons) is that everyone is equal, you're dressed up as a neon clown? Cool! You're dressed up as a devil? Awesome! There should be no judgment, and to all those who slut shame girls who go out dressed like a "hoe", shame on you. Support your sisters (or brothers) if they want to wear that, who cares it's their body - not yours. Other than that for the most part their is no judgment, and the freaks and weirdos have their time to shine and celebrate being themselves. 

I remember on the drive home from work on Halloween I saw loads of kids all dressed up trick or treating with their families and friends with massive smiles on their faces, and there it was magic. It's such a pure reminder that the world really isn't as bad as well all think, there is still that togetherness that a lot of us seem to think has been lost. I got a bit emotional, looking at all these kids who aren't tainted by the sins of the world yet, who are just enjoying being kids! Which is so rare too see now a days, it seems like everyone is just in too much of a hurry to grow up. Now all of us who are grown up will probably all agree that it's really not worth the hurry.

Like I said before this really is the most wonderful time of year, because it really does bring people together. That's what I love most seeing everyone not worrying about what is going on in the world, just enjoying those few minutes where nothing else matters. It might be a bit sad, and I know not everyone will feel this way but there is nothing more pure and reassuring for me. No matter who you are or where you come from, you are all celebrating the same thing. It doesn't matter what extent you go too, or how much money you spend at the end of the day the fact that we are all coming together in unison to bring light, happiness, and warmth to the world. I don't mean by religion or anything like that I mean by people, people bringing people together. That's the real magic.

I felt like this outfit was very on par with the wintery/ seasonal appropriate content of this post. This look was fun for me as I rarely wear this much of a cool toned / pastel look. It was nice for me to push myself out of my comfort zone. This whole outfit was thrifted, bar the jeans which i picked up in the h&m sale a fair few months back. I always feel bad when I can't provide links too my outfits, but 99% of my wardrobe is vintage and/ or second hand. Sustainability (and value for money) has always been something that I am passionate about so that's why I shop the way I do! Hopefully it will inspire you to look for more sustainable options, or at least to try something new / out of your comfort zone. We are all so obsessed with warm tones at the minute (well seems like a lifetime!), so it was nice to play against that. Until next time,

XO XO, EMMA 

Not so "social" media, and why breaks are important

So over the past weekend I lost my phone on a night out, and subsequently I lost my ease of access to social media. I didn't think me literally having no choice but not to use it would make me realise how much I craved for a break, but I really did. Like I said in my previous post, our relationship with social media in this current age is obsessive and borderline toxic depending on your approach to it. We feel like we need to document our every move, and that if we aren't constantly up too date with it all then we aren't content.

We all need a phone for obvious reasons, too keep in contact and to make sure we are safe. But social media is not a necessity you do not need it to complete your day, or to make sure your day is running smoothly that is a sign of addiction, and at the end of the day we are all addicted. We scroll and scroll for hours on end looking blankly at a screen rather than communicating with the people around us, when you take a step back and look at it - how horrific is that? On the night that I lost my phone I was upset yes but once I did everything I could to find it, I was actually pretty liberated the rest of the night. Me and my friend Keeli were dancing the night away, chatting with everyone not checking the time, just getting lost in the night. Instead of  checking my phone for every buzz and notification, and thinking that I need to film and document the night, I just lived it. Lived it just for ourselves no one else, actually having those moments and memories that are just yours are actually precious and I think we all need to go back to experiencing things this way. Instead of always trying to prove to the online world that you had a good time through posed photos and false captions, actually enjoy yourself without feeling the need to validate yourself online.

A prime example of this is, when your at a gig or a festival what is one of the first things you think too do? Get out your phone and film it so you can post it on social media to show how much of a good time you had. How absolutely absurd? You see more of phone screens at gigs now more than the actual performance. I made a promise too myself about a year ago that I'm going to stop being one of those people, because it makes me so angry! How can you really enjoy the experience and immerse yourself in the magic of it all if your more focused on that perfect shot? The best gig I ever went too I didn't get my phone out once. It just goes to show that we care way too much about what others think of what we are doing and how we are perceived rather than just living and enjoying the moments that are so fleeting.

Not having social media made me pay more attention to the world around me, and the people in it. I had so many more social interactions with people, conversations that I probably wouldn't of had. I noticed a lot more of my surroundings, taking everything in rather than ignoring it. But at the same time I did feel a little lost, like out of the loop. I felt like I missed scrolling through my facebook feed or Instagram, but I didn't I was just that used to the routine that with it missing it didn't feel right. It has become such a huge part of our lives that when it is taken away your life feels so out of sync. I really did realise the damages of it, there is no need for us to be as attached to it as was are, not. at. all. Especially not when it is taking away from time spent with the people you love. On one of the days I was in town, and there was a couple sat together not saying a word, just both staring at their screens. Staring at something so meaningless when someone who is supposed to mean the world is sat right next too them. It made me so sad, I was sat with my parents and just thought Christ that would probably be me. I would be sat with two people that I hold dearest in the world and I would be interacting with something so fleeting when time with them is much more precious.

I love social media, but I hate what is doing to our society. The whole point of facebook was for better communication, how ironic now that people use it as a way to avoid physical interaction and communication.  It shouldn't be taking away from human interactions, it should be enhancing it. Capturing moments you want to live forever, we should not be wasting precious time with people we love for the sake of a few likes or shares. I understand that it will always be a massive part of our society now, but I do think that we all need to have a little break sometimes.  We need to learn when to put the phone down, we don't need to be on it as much as we are - it really isn't the be all and end all of our lives. Don't forget that we live in reality, not online. My new phone will be back up and running in a few days and I am making a promise to myself that I need to cut down my usage on social media, especially when I am out with friends or family. It is something that has been on my mind for a while, and it really shouldn't of taken me being forced not to use it to realise how much I am obsessed with it. In some ways I am glad I lost my phone, it has been a real eye opener, but we shouldn't all have too literally loose our phones for us to realise how much social media is effecting us. So every so often I think it's so healthy and important to just turn that data off and just enjoy life. Live it, take in everything around you and have it just for you. That absolute insanity that we all go through thinking that everything we do we have to document for the world too see is so unhealthy, and it takes away from the moment itself


I seem to be in such a conflicting love hate relationship with social media at the minute, but being forced to not be on it constantly has really changed my mindset towards it. Mostly Instagram, that's what I am most addicted too. To the point where my reality becomes less of a reality, but more like me trying to stage a instagramable perfect life. We are on this earth for such a short time, and our loved ones won't be there forever and wasting your time scrolling rather than appreciating life and it's company is so so sad. When you think about it, the fact that when we roll over in the morning the first thing most of us do is check all our notifications and do the obligatory scroll. For no reason other than habit, it has no real impact on our day. In some ways it is more likely to have a negative impact, filling our mind with all these false images of reality and then ultimately trying to make our day live up to that staged life. So that was my rant and clearly very conflicting feelings towards social media and our obsession with it. I really do think we need to be talking more openly about the fact that yes, we are all (or near enough all) addicted too social media, but you know how it goes as soon as the word addiction comes into play it all becomes a lot more taboo, and a much more touchy subject. I'm glad though that I am much more aware of the problem now, so I can finally do something about it.

XOXO, EMMA 

The Blurred Lines of Reality

Hello, Hello.

So today is one of those gloomy rainy typically British days, and I'm in bed writing this thinking about how there is just never enough hours in the day to get everything done. In my head I would ideally manage to work in shooting for my blog, for my depop, managing social media (mainly Instagram), and work on my photography all in the two days off I get from work. Now that's a stretch at most times, and sometimes life gets in the way and it's not possible.

I am the type of person who always has too be busy, I struggle to sit still unless I've planned for it. That sounds ridiculous I know, but I spent way too many days and hours wallowing in depression that now I daren't miss a minute. When I look back on how I used to spend my day too day life it makes me so sad, I just let the worst get the better of me. Now that I am in a much better head space, I don't even let my mind get the chance to go down that road. I think in a sense that's why I feel the need to always be busy, too keep my mind preoccupied. There are good and bad sides to this mentality though, but more so I think it's the pressure that I have put on myself too always be on top form. When I realised today that I had no content prepared for my blog I actually felt bad, like guilt. But at the end of the day, it really shouldn't effect me to that level. This blog was created as a way for me to express myself, share my positivity with others and try to inspire - so how has it got to the point where I feel guilt? That is the opposite of what I am trying to put out into the world.

We live in a society now where everything is so focused on social success. We are all too blame, we are all a part of that Instagram reality where nothing is really real. II tried too touch on this the other day, where on my Instagram I posted this:

I know I am only touching the surface with this, and I know for others it is a lot harder to break down the false reality but I think this is a good place too start. Yes, I know I'll still post those perfectly posed images, and yes it makes me a hypocrite but at least I am being honest with myself with the falseness of it all. For me, I enjoy it - I love having my photo taken, the empowerment I feel and the rush of confidence, however I also see the dangers in it. The dangers of self validation, of countlessly watching the figures and likes, of constantly comparing yourself too others. I am lucky enough to not care much about those things, but I am also not ignorant to how damaging those factors are too others. It's sad how we have got to this point, where so much of our reality relies on online validation.

Earlier on today I was racking my brains with what I could post, a music favourites? Sharing my images from Newcastle? I was trying to force something into a post for the sake of it. How false? What is the point! The fact that I felt like I had to do that made me take a step back and really question the way we approach this online world. You should post what you want, you shouldn't feel the need to post something else to appear perfect and prepared and like everything in your life is too plan. No one's life is too plan, nothing is as it seems and sometimes we just don't have time. I could've sacrificed time with my parents yesterday, and time with my nephew last night and this morning to get some "quality" content too share. But what QUALITY is that?  No one should sacrifice precious time in real life for the sake of how they appear online. What I need to be doing, is incorporating both, I think my blog and my content could really do with some reality. I think that is what I am craving most, too see something real. 

I know today's post has less "appeal" than most, it doesn't have glossy edited images, and a focus on what you are used too reading. But I don't care about that. I care more about trying to change the way we view our lives online into a much more real reality. I want to try and share and capture more truth, now don't get me wrong fashion blogging I will always adore and they will always be a feature on here, I just want to bring in a bit more realness. More fun, laughter, candid's and family, more about just life. I think I am just growing tired of trying of us all thinking that what each other wants too see is fake reality, when I think at the end of the day we are all craving something real. 

XOXO, EMMA.

Styling The Iconic Rainbow Jumper

Hello, Hello.

So over the past couple of years, this one most significantly for me - the rainbow trend has met an all time high. I remember a few years back when Lazy Oaf released the ICONIC Crayola knit but it was, and still is way out of my price range. Hopefully one day I will be able to treat myself to a Lazy Oaf piece, but until then I just gaze at their Instagram longingly and pray that my time will come. It is probably my favourite current brand, If I could afford it I would own there entire shop. Anyway, the rainbow trend has really saturated the market this year and I finally managed to get myself an iconic rainbow jumper. Honestly, I don't know how I have gone so long without one.

This little number is from Monki, and if your a fan of Lazy Oaf chances are you shop on here as they have a similar vibe but at a fraction of the price. This crew neck knit is the mere price of £25! You can find it at this link here, but I would be quick it tends to sell out super fast. I got mine in a size XL because I love a big boxy oversized fit, and it fits exactly how I wanted it too. I usually don't like a long fitted cuff on a jumper, but I actually love it on this as it gives it some shape and makes it look more tailored. It is a nice knit, not too think or thin just right for layering, and the colours are incredible and just as vibrant as in the pictures. It is a guaranteed head turner, and I promise you will make a fair few people smile in this one! I think that's what I like so much about rainbows, you can't help but smile when you see one.

With the change in the seasons, comes a change in my style. As soon as Autumn / Winter comes around my style leans a lot more towards alternative and grunge, the styling here is somewhat showing the start of my style transition. The weather is finally cold enough for me to show off these incredible dickies dungarees which I bought from a vintage kilo sale a few months back, I have wanted to wear them for so long but they were just too heavy for the summer months. Dungarees are one of my favourite things to wear in the colder seasons, but I feel like because of the lighter wash I feel like I need to make the most of these sooner rather than later. I do think this wash of denim really compliments the colours in the jumper though, it keeps it light and fresh. I also love the baggy look of these, I have always wanted the perfect oversized pair but never seemed to find any, until these of course! I know it's a lot of loose fitting items and the look doesn't have much shape, but I think that adds such a retro vintage feel and more so, I love the vibe it gives off. Oversized clothes have always been a massive hit for me because I like to play with gender roles and what's deemed masculine / feminine. I also just love the effortlessness of it, I almost feel like my early 2000s self when I used to shop at tammy girl, but hopefully a bit more chic. The overall vibe of this look too me is so 90s grunge with a tad more colour, the bagginess of the look, the denim and the stripes, the chunky platforms are all key elements of the era it's just got my added colourful rainbow touches, like I say my style is literally transitioning like the seasons. 

Now lets talk about the details, is there anything more perfect than this sunshine yellow beret? No, I didn't think so. A few years back you wouldn't see my dead in a hat, but since I discovered a love for berets and baker boy caps last winter I can't get enough! I have wanted a yellow one for the longest time, and they finally got them in H&M (where I work) so I snatched one up straight away. Unfortunately it doesn't seem to be available online anymore, although there are a few in stores. I love how it ties in perfectly with the yellow in the jumper, and also how the colour looks against my grey / silver hair. Another defining details are these iconic chunky platform shoes, straight from the 90s / early 2000s. I found these at a local carboot and they cost me 3 QUID. £3 for a pair of shoes this insane is literally a gift from the gods.  They give me a bit of height, which I needed or else these dungarees would be trailing in the dirt - and they also add that grunge touch which I was on about earlier. 

I really love the way this has all come together, I love how it is showing how my style slowly transforms through the seasons, especially in this in between grey area where you have no clue what to wear. However it is safe to say that the cold weather is settling in here in the U.K. so more layers and outerwear are going to become a much heavier feature, but I think this post was a nice way to move away from my last post (which was all sun, bikinis and holiays) too more seasonally appropriate content. 

All images are shot on a Canon 4000D & edited on VSCO. The images of me are all taken by my incredible mum, and the other images are all taken by me. Hope you enjoyed this one, cya next time. 

XOXO, EMMA.

Sun, Sea & Sangria.

Hello, hello!

As some of you may know, if you follow me on Instagram or know me in real life I have just been on a sweet little getaway to Puerto Rico, Gran Caneria. Can you believe that even in September the temperature was in the high 30s?? I couldn't. It was a lovely week of sea, sun sangria & seafood. I have never eaten such a vast and glorious amount of fish and shellfish in my entire life, mixed with the sea views and cheeky cocktails safe to say it was a week to remember. Right before we went I decided to treat myself to a brand new DSLR, and I got in some perfect practice on this holiday. So I thought in this post, rather than a heavy focus on text I would just show you all what I wore, and what I sore on holiday.

This first set of images are my sea themed, cool toned images. I wanted to really reflect and put emphasis on the beautiful tones of the sea, especially in these shots in my blue bikini which tied in perfectly. I had a lot of fun editing these images and giving them an overall blue tone, seeing the flow between images makes me realise the importance of editing. It makes the images so much nicer to look at, as well as enhancing the beauty within them. I am also SO HAPPY with the new quality within my images, before I was only using the camera on my phone - which was all I had access too at the time. But, now seeing the difference it's given me so much more drive to just keep on creating content and improving more and more. 

This second collection of images are on the opposite side of the spectrum, full of warmth. Obviously alongside the beautiful turquoise sea we had the glorious heat. These images represent that, and the warmth and happiness I felt the whole time I was there. I really wanted to show two opposing sets of images that represented two sides to the holiday. I wanted to play around with tones and hues and create a story within the images, rather than just throw all my holiday photos into a post and call it a day. This way, at least I think, it makes the images more interesting to look at as well as give you more of a real sense of how I experienced my holiday and what I felt. Two of my favourite things in life is the sun and the sea, and I think this really reflects that.

So there are my collection of a select few images from my holiday, a collection of landscapes, nature and style. I like the idea of combining these things together, be it more cohesively in the future. Trying to tie together nature and fashion, two of the things I hold dearest too me. Now that I have my camera I feel a much wider sense of freedom, where I will be able to experiment more and bring together much more unique and high quality content. I'm super excited for the direction that I see my  blog moving in, and I can't wait to develop and strengthen and show my progress along with it. I am so proud of the way these images have come out, and I really think they reflect my holiday perfectly. It is so nice to be able too see my own personal improvement, and that just drives me even more to keep developing myself!

XOXO, EMMA 

Looking After Number One | Health & Relationships

Hello, Hello.

Here we are again, a month since my last post, and I  have distanced myself from blogging, yet again. SO much has been going on in my life, (most of which I will go on to explain in this post) that I have been that overwhelmed at even the thought of finding the time to sit down and write. I am finally making a start to this post after a surprisingly long day at work but also a very motivated meeting that has kicked myself into gear. If you follow me on any of my social media's i.e. Twitter (@emmalouiseloves) or Instagram (@emmacarline), then you will have a rough idea of exactly what is going on with my life, but I am here to explain it in much further detail. Pre warning, what I discuss in today's blog post is rather personal and quite taboo to talk about - which in all honesty is why I want to talk about it. I am not going to hold anything back because I want to be as transparent as possible, just so that women feel more comfortable talking about these things! So there is your "trigger" warning.

So as I mentioned in my last post I am in a new relationship, and a few weeks ago I bled pretty bad during / right after intercourse. As soon as I realised that it wasn't me coming on my period I knew that something wasn't right. I had just changed over my mode of contraception, from being on the implant for 6 years to then going on the pill so I thought it might have something to do with that. I booked an appointment with the doctor for a check up just to see what was going on, and if it was anything to worry about. It came around to my appointment and she did a "smear" test, however I am too young for a proper smear she just did a full examination and took some swabs. Obviously prior to this she asked me a lot of questions about my sexual history, if I am in a new relationship and if we had been tested / used a condom. To which my reply was yes I am in a new relationship, and no we haven't used condoms. YES I KNOW, it was very gullible of me - I am much too trusting. So, she was already pre-judging and assuming that it will be S.T.I related. After she finished the examination she told me my cervix was swollen and "patchy", but she immediately near enough assured me it would be from an infection. However, my mum had cervical cancer - so she had a referral ready for the hospital. Never the less she did not prepare me one bit for if the results came back negative.

A week later, bear in mind in this time I had to try to explain to my very new boyfriend that there is a high risk that I have an S.T.I, I get my results back. SHOCK, there all negative. No signs of infection. I was on the phone to the doctors ready and prepared for, "oh it's gonorrhoea", and it knocked me back so hard. I was so mentally prepared for that result, and then to be told that there is no infection - I had no clue what to do. I was in no way prepared for it, nor did I know what my next step is or what I needed to do. I had a phone meeting with my doctor the next day, the hospital referral was sent through and I was rushed through due to my family history. All of this happening while trying to juggle a full time job, new relationship and a holiday in a few weeks. Stress doesn't even begin to touch the sides with what I have been going through.

The day of the appointment came round last week and I was absolutely bricking it, one I have only ever been once for an x-ray on my back, and two, the thought of another internal examination made me feel a bit sick. But I was positive that at least I was going to be getting somewhere. However, let me tell you now that was one of THE worst experiences of my life. To start with they had no notes or anything from the doctors, I had to tell them everything again because there had been literally no communication. The doctor was male, and didn't tell me till after the examination that he was a trainee. He really rushed the whole thing through, I felt super uncomfortable and vulnerable. Also, all they did was the EXACT same thing they did at the doctors. Took the same swabs for the same tests that I had been negative for 10 days prior. We told the nurse and the doctor this, and the nurse literally said "well do I need to bin these then?", at this point I was crying my eyes out feeling violated and like my time has been completely wasted. To top it all off, they out right refused to do a smear test, even after me and my mum both told them that she had cervical cancer they still refused claiming that I am just too young. I left that hospital angry, upset, confused violated and infuriated. It was such a waste of time. I had to wait till yesterday,  where I had a Colposcopy and the results from that will finally tell me what's wrong. However the nurse I had for this procedure was lovely, she talked me through and explained everything - what was going to happen now, and what will happen with future.

SO, what is a Colposcopy? It is where the take a magnifying glass and get a real close look at the cervix to be able to see exactly what's going on, and they take 2 biopsy samples to send to the lab to test for a definitive result. MY GOD, taking biopsy samples freaking hurt like a bitch. I am not going to sugar coat it, it's two very sharp twinges. Although she did take a much bigger sample on me than needed, so maybe that's why it hurt so much? Either way, it is painful but it's over in a few seconds and obviously 100% worth it to have your results fully conclusive. It was a weird experience, but was over in 40 minutes and very educational and reassuring that it isn't as scary or as daunting as it all seems. It will take around 2 weeks to get my results back, but I am surprisingly not worried! I know what the following procedure will be and I know that my treatment plan is already pretty much sorted for me, so in all honesty it's just a waiting game! Luckily, I go on holiday in a week so I have the best distraction, and also I don't think I have ever needed a holiday more than I do right now.

Understandably my blog has taken a backseat, which in all this madness it can't be helped. But while I am on this topic, us girls need to start talking more about these things. If I hadn't of bled during sex, I wouldn't of even had a clue there was anything wrong with me. We all need to feel more comfortable sharing our stories and talking about these things so that people going through it don't feel alone, and also don't ignore the warning signs. I know it's horrible, and the thought of going to the doctors about it is embarrassing but at the end of the day it's there job - and your health is more important. I'll be sure to keep you updated on the whole process / procedure and my results, I really want to share as much as this on my blog as possible because I think it will actually be super insightful and helpful. We all need to feel more confident talking about these things, at the end of the day we have nothing to be ashamed of.

OH, and onto the new relationship - that has unfortunately come to an end. It was me that ended things, for reasons I think I am going to cover in a future blog post. This post is long enough without me adding all this onto it. But I'll put it simply as I wasn't going to stay with someone who I just wasn't compatible with, the fact that I was constantly trying to make things work just emphasised the fact that things weren't working. It's not the be all and end all being in a relationship, I am happier on my own! There will be a full on discussion about this in a future post because I don't think anyone should feel like they have to be / stay with someone just for the sake of it. You've got to look after number one, and I think this whole process has really taught me this more than ever before.

XOXO, EMMA

New Relationships & Finding Time

Hello, Hello.

I have been trying to write this post so many times, many of scrapped intros and failed attempts have  made it onto this draft. I don't know why though, do I feel bad about my absence and lack of consistent content? yes, but at the same time no. Or is it that I have that much that I want to say that the thought of sitting down to spill it all out is too daunting? Probably. But the most pressing thought, once I air what is happening in my love life it will make it all the more real and all the more of a true relationship. Clearly there have been a lot of things that have been worrying me / playing on my mind about this, and those stated above are just a short little summary about what has been going on in my head - yet here I am.

So, my absence. This is plain and simply due to a lack of time, how do you fit in blogging around a new relationship and a full time job? Honestly, it is one of the hardest things I have ever had too do, but also at the same time it has been easy for me to prioritise my time. A few weeks ago, probably near enough a month ago I had my first date in months, but more so my first "proper" date ever. I have been building up the courage to start dating again for a long while, I have had flings and hook-ups but I finally decided that I was in a stable enough head space for me to start looking for something more serious. I don't want to go into too much depth about the whole thing, but it's safe to say he makes me very happy and treats me better than anyone ever has in the past.

However, with this new relationship comes all my spare time wanting to be spent with him - and rightfully so, if I didn't then it would be going nowhere good. Something which I have found super refreshing is that he isn't on any social media, he doesn't feel the need for it and  so never bothered with it. For someone like me, who's whole life (near enough) is on social media, especially with blogging finding someone who is so neutral on the matter is bizarre in the best way. I've noticed as well when I'm around him I don't feel the need to constantly be checking my notifications and to document every waking minute of our time together. For me it is enough to just be there in the moment enjoying it without feeling the need to capture it so that the world can have an opinion on it. I feel like I am always stuck between these two places, of wanting to share my life and also not wanting too, I am such a bloody gemini!  I feel like there are some things in life that you just want to keep to yourself and this is one of them, well at least for now while things are still new and developing.

So that's where finding the time fits in, it is so difficult at the minute for me to try and balance everything, I am trying my best. Honestly my blog has always been at the front of my mind, but at the same time I am not going to let it come in the way of my progression in my real life. I am getting there though, I always have something I want to say I just feel like I always need photographic content to go along with it, I always feel like people care less about what I have to say if there is no visual stimulation involved. Obviously I need to approach this more sensibly, and shoot a lot of my content all in one day for the forthcoming month. However, I am just too impulsive for that! I'd get bored half way through and by the end of it, not even want to use the content because it isn't fresh anymore. I know that is a silly way to look at things, but for me the best content is what isn't planned, what happens when you start just having fun with it and not take it so seriously, I feel like whenever I try and approach shooting in a sensible mindset I always hate the outcome.

Luckily for today's content I did a two in one, I went on a day out with my mum and dad to Beverley, and decided to shoot some content while we were there enjoying some lush food and cocktails, and having a browse down the lovely cobbled streets and charity shops. This is what I mean about being spontaneous, I always feel like the best content I produced is when it isn't planned and you jut go on a little wander and find some cute little places that you wouldn't be able to plan out. Like this adorable pink door! To whoever lives here, I would like to humbly applaud you on your fabulous colour choice. This is my future dream, but maybe make it sunshine yellow. I had no idea that this house would be down this little random street, yet here we are! Life is full of happy surprises, and I intend to make as much use of them as possible.

So that's it for today's post, I know it's been a bit all over the place but I've had a lot to say and had to try and find the words to express them with. Oh, also! My outfit is head too toe H&M, sadly the dress is no longer available however the bag and shoes are, and you can find the link to them in my previous post. Hope you enjoyed today's look & ramlings. Till next time,

XOXO, EMMA.