Guess who's back, with a brand new flat?!

Hello my fellow sunshines, it's been a long time. 

Last time I posted I was talking about the festive period and how it's the most wonderful time of the year, little did I know back then it would also turn into the most stressful time of my life since my dissertation. I was hunting for a flat sure, but didn't really think I would be sorted till the New Year. OH, how I was wrong. The whole process actually moves very quick once you've found somewhere you love, and the whirlwind of moving began. 

Obviously however, with it being me the moving in process was far from simple. I have had the most stressful two weeks of my life, when they said "don't grown up, it's a trap!" they really bloody meant it. I feel like I have a tsunami of adulthood just placed over my head. So, the first problem: because I moved into a flat that was above a shop, somehow when the suppliers where changed the electricity was still registered as commercial and not residential. It took me at least a month of going forwards and backwards, being told different things from different people and not knowing what on earth was going on. I have never spent so much time on the phone repeating myself, it's got to be one of the most patience testing experiences you will every have to go through. 

Secondly, on Christmas eve ( of all days) I was supposed to be getting my sky fitted, a phone line putting in so that I can use the internet. WELL. The guy showed up, very dismissive said he didn't have the right equipment for the pole to put up the line, and that he needed access to the back (which I didn't have at the time) too put it up. So that was that, he left - may I add at 8AM! At this point I hadn't properly moved in, so I had come all the way from home (20 miles) with my mum and dad just for him too say he. can't. do. it. The best part is, when I rescheduled for them to do it a few weeks later the man that came said that it was all a load of bollocks! He didn't need access to the back, and that he was lying about equipment to get out of the job. He had also put down in the notes that he did all the interior work, so that he got paid - which was all lies! He didn't even come into the property. Safe too say though that whoever he was will not be getting paid for the job, and he would be lucky if he still has one. 

Third and finally, my boiler was all over the place, the gauge was going up and down on it's own and I had to keep refilling it up, and for fear of a gas leak my landlady made me move out till it was fixed. Oh and top that off the same night she told me that I had gone to cook for the first time, and everytime I tried to turn the hob on, it would blow the electrics. Just picture we stood there trying to cook me tea, freezing cold because I was too scared to put the heating on and then the electrics blowing out. ONLY ME! At the time I was honestly mid breakdown fighting back the tears, looking back now I have to laugh but my god I do not know how I got through it all. 

SO, as a little disclaimer that is why my blog has been so neglected. I had every intention too start off 2019 with regular content, but life is life! You can't help it, shit happens. But, on the plus side I do have my own little place now! My cute colourful home is my everything, and at the end of the day it all worked out perfectly. There are always a few bumps in the road, but for me the feel like bloody mountains. Never the less I am so proud of how I've handled everything, and the first real test of adulthood - I never knew I could be so mature! But watch this space now for content is coming, I've just had a little life break. 

XO,XO, EMMA. 

Not so "social" media, and why breaks are important

So over the past weekend I lost my phone on a night out, and subsequently I lost my ease of access to social media. I didn't think me literally having no choice but not to use it would make me realise how much I craved for a break, but I really did. Like I said in my previous post, our relationship with social media in this current age is obsessive and borderline toxic depending on your approach to it. We feel like we need to document our every move, and that if we aren't constantly up too date with it all then we aren't content.

We all need a phone for obvious reasons, too keep in contact and to make sure we are safe. But social media is not a necessity you do not need it to complete your day, or to make sure your day is running smoothly that is a sign of addiction, and at the end of the day we are all addicted. We scroll and scroll for hours on end looking blankly at a screen rather than communicating with the people around us, when you take a step back and look at it - how horrific is that? On the night that I lost my phone I was upset yes but once I did everything I could to find it, I was actually pretty liberated the rest of the night. Me and my friend Keeli were dancing the night away, chatting with everyone not checking the time, just getting lost in the night. Instead of  checking my phone for every buzz and notification, and thinking that I need to film and document the night, I just lived it. Lived it just for ourselves no one else, actually having those moments and memories that are just yours are actually precious and I think we all need to go back to experiencing things this way. Instead of always trying to prove to the online world that you had a good time through posed photos and false captions, actually enjoy yourself without feeling the need to validate yourself online.

A prime example of this is, when your at a gig or a festival what is one of the first things you think too do? Get out your phone and film it so you can post it on social media to show how much of a good time you had. How absolutely absurd? You see more of phone screens at gigs now more than the actual performance. I made a promise too myself about a year ago that I'm going to stop being one of those people, because it makes me so angry! How can you really enjoy the experience and immerse yourself in the magic of it all if your more focused on that perfect shot? The best gig I ever went too I didn't get my phone out once. It just goes to show that we care way too much about what others think of what we are doing and how we are perceived rather than just living and enjoying the moments that are so fleeting.

Not having social media made me pay more attention to the world around me, and the people in it. I had so many more social interactions with people, conversations that I probably wouldn't of had. I noticed a lot more of my surroundings, taking everything in rather than ignoring it. But at the same time I did feel a little lost, like out of the loop. I felt like I missed scrolling through my facebook feed or Instagram, but I didn't I was just that used to the routine that with it missing it didn't feel right. It has become such a huge part of our lives that when it is taken away your life feels so out of sync. I really did realise the damages of it, there is no need for us to be as attached to it as was are, not. at. all. Especially not when it is taking away from time spent with the people you love. On one of the days I was in town, and there was a couple sat together not saying a word, just both staring at their screens. Staring at something so meaningless when someone who is supposed to mean the world is sat right next too them. It made me so sad, I was sat with my parents and just thought Christ that would probably be me. I would be sat with two people that I hold dearest in the world and I would be interacting with something so fleeting when time with them is much more precious.

I love social media, but I hate what is doing to our society. The whole point of facebook was for better communication, how ironic now that people use it as a way to avoid physical interaction and communication.  It shouldn't be taking away from human interactions, it should be enhancing it. Capturing moments you want to live forever, we should not be wasting precious time with people we love for the sake of a few likes or shares. I understand that it will always be a massive part of our society now, but I do think that we all need to have a little break sometimes.  We need to learn when to put the phone down, we don't need to be on it as much as we are - it really isn't the be all and end all of our lives. Don't forget that we live in reality, not online. My new phone will be back up and running in a few days and I am making a promise to myself that I need to cut down my usage on social media, especially when I am out with friends or family. It is something that has been on my mind for a while, and it really shouldn't of taken me being forced not to use it to realise how much I am obsessed with it. In some ways I am glad I lost my phone, it has been a real eye opener, but we shouldn't all have too literally loose our phones for us to realise how much social media is effecting us. So every so often I think it's so healthy and important to just turn that data off and just enjoy life. Live it, take in everything around you and have it just for you. That absolute insanity that we all go through thinking that everything we do we have to document for the world too see is so unhealthy, and it takes away from the moment itself


I seem to be in such a conflicting love hate relationship with social media at the minute, but being forced to not be on it constantly has really changed my mindset towards it. Mostly Instagram, that's what I am most addicted too. To the point where my reality becomes less of a reality, but more like me trying to stage a instagramable perfect life. We are on this earth for such a short time, and our loved ones won't be there forever and wasting your time scrolling rather than appreciating life and it's company is so so sad. When you think about it, the fact that when we roll over in the morning the first thing most of us do is check all our notifications and do the obligatory scroll. For no reason other than habit, it has no real impact on our day. In some ways it is more likely to have a negative impact, filling our mind with all these false images of reality and then ultimately trying to make our day live up to that staged life. So that was my rant and clearly very conflicting feelings towards social media and our obsession with it. I really do think we need to be talking more openly about the fact that yes, we are all (or near enough all) addicted too social media, but you know how it goes as soon as the word addiction comes into play it all becomes a lot more taboo, and a much more touchy subject. I'm glad though that I am much more aware of the problem now, so I can finally do something about it.

XOXO, EMMA 

Looking After Number One | Health & Relationships

Hello, Hello.

Here we are again, a month since my last post, and I  have distanced myself from blogging, yet again. SO much has been going on in my life, (most of which I will go on to explain in this post) that I have been that overwhelmed at even the thought of finding the time to sit down and write. I am finally making a start to this post after a surprisingly long day at work but also a very motivated meeting that has kicked myself into gear. If you follow me on any of my social media's i.e. Twitter (@emmalouiseloves) or Instagram (@emmacarline), then you will have a rough idea of exactly what is going on with my life, but I am here to explain it in much further detail. Pre warning, what I discuss in today's blog post is rather personal and quite taboo to talk about - which in all honesty is why I want to talk about it. I am not going to hold anything back because I want to be as transparent as possible, just so that women feel more comfortable talking about these things! So there is your "trigger" warning.

So as I mentioned in my last post I am in a new relationship, and a few weeks ago I bled pretty bad during / right after intercourse. As soon as I realised that it wasn't me coming on my period I knew that something wasn't right. I had just changed over my mode of contraception, from being on the implant for 6 years to then going on the pill so I thought it might have something to do with that. I booked an appointment with the doctor for a check up just to see what was going on, and if it was anything to worry about. It came around to my appointment and she did a "smear" test, however I am too young for a proper smear she just did a full examination and took some swabs. Obviously prior to this she asked me a lot of questions about my sexual history, if I am in a new relationship and if we had been tested / used a condom. To which my reply was yes I am in a new relationship, and no we haven't used condoms. YES I KNOW, it was very gullible of me - I am much too trusting. So, she was already pre-judging and assuming that it will be S.T.I related. After she finished the examination she told me my cervix was swollen and "patchy", but she immediately near enough assured me it would be from an infection. However, my mum had cervical cancer - so she had a referral ready for the hospital. Never the less she did not prepare me one bit for if the results came back negative.

A week later, bear in mind in this time I had to try to explain to my very new boyfriend that there is a high risk that I have an S.T.I, I get my results back. SHOCK, there all negative. No signs of infection. I was on the phone to the doctors ready and prepared for, "oh it's gonorrhoea", and it knocked me back so hard. I was so mentally prepared for that result, and then to be told that there is no infection - I had no clue what to do. I was in no way prepared for it, nor did I know what my next step is or what I needed to do. I had a phone meeting with my doctor the next day, the hospital referral was sent through and I was rushed through due to my family history. All of this happening while trying to juggle a full time job, new relationship and a holiday in a few weeks. Stress doesn't even begin to touch the sides with what I have been going through.

The day of the appointment came round last week and I was absolutely bricking it, one I have only ever been once for an x-ray on my back, and two, the thought of another internal examination made me feel a bit sick. But I was positive that at least I was going to be getting somewhere. However, let me tell you now that was one of THE worst experiences of my life. To start with they had no notes or anything from the doctors, I had to tell them everything again because there had been literally no communication. The doctor was male, and didn't tell me till after the examination that he was a trainee. He really rushed the whole thing through, I felt super uncomfortable and vulnerable. Also, all they did was the EXACT same thing they did at the doctors. Took the same swabs for the same tests that I had been negative for 10 days prior. We told the nurse and the doctor this, and the nurse literally said "well do I need to bin these then?", at this point I was crying my eyes out feeling violated and like my time has been completely wasted. To top it all off, they out right refused to do a smear test, even after me and my mum both told them that she had cervical cancer they still refused claiming that I am just too young. I left that hospital angry, upset, confused violated and infuriated. It was such a waste of time. I had to wait till yesterday,  where I had a Colposcopy and the results from that will finally tell me what's wrong. However the nurse I had for this procedure was lovely, she talked me through and explained everything - what was going to happen now, and what will happen with future.

SO, what is a Colposcopy? It is where the take a magnifying glass and get a real close look at the cervix to be able to see exactly what's going on, and they take 2 biopsy samples to send to the lab to test for a definitive result. MY GOD, taking biopsy samples freaking hurt like a bitch. I am not going to sugar coat it, it's two very sharp twinges. Although she did take a much bigger sample on me than needed, so maybe that's why it hurt so much? Either way, it is painful but it's over in a few seconds and obviously 100% worth it to have your results fully conclusive. It was a weird experience, but was over in 40 minutes and very educational and reassuring that it isn't as scary or as daunting as it all seems. It will take around 2 weeks to get my results back, but I am surprisingly not worried! I know what the following procedure will be and I know that my treatment plan is already pretty much sorted for me, so in all honesty it's just a waiting game! Luckily, I go on holiday in a week so I have the best distraction, and also I don't think I have ever needed a holiday more than I do right now.

Understandably my blog has taken a backseat, which in all this madness it can't be helped. But while I am on this topic, us girls need to start talking more about these things. If I hadn't of bled during sex, I wouldn't of even had a clue there was anything wrong with me. We all need to feel more comfortable sharing our stories and talking about these things so that people going through it don't feel alone, and also don't ignore the warning signs. I know it's horrible, and the thought of going to the doctors about it is embarrassing but at the end of the day it's there job - and your health is more important. I'll be sure to keep you updated on the whole process / procedure and my results, I really want to share as much as this on my blog as possible because I think it will actually be super insightful and helpful. We all need to feel more confident talking about these things, at the end of the day we have nothing to be ashamed of.

OH, and onto the new relationship - that has unfortunately come to an end. It was me that ended things, for reasons I think I am going to cover in a future blog post. This post is long enough without me adding all this onto it. But I'll put it simply as I wasn't going to stay with someone who I just wasn't compatible with, the fact that I was constantly trying to make things work just emphasised the fact that things weren't working. It's not the be all and end all being in a relationship, I am happier on my own! There will be a full on discussion about this in a future post because I don't think anyone should feel like they have to be / stay with someone just for the sake of it. You've got to look after number one, and I think this whole process has really taught me this more than ever before.

XOXO, EMMA